With You

“Astral?”

Wind Valley was still in bloom from the near-constant light drizzle that had settled over the landscape. It was a breath of fresh air. A reminder that nobody had actually been hurt beyond repair. That fresh starts could come in any form.

Pepper understood this. Perhaps now more than ever as she made her way with purpose through the bamboo forests and the rolling fields and up the mountains to the little shack she had left behind not that long ago.

The place where she had lashed out in fear. Where the voices had been silenced, and the mist was finally gone.

The curdles of fear were rising within her, threatening to become a viscous slurry deep in her guts, but she did not relent to that fear. Not this time. She had been promised something important. The opportunity to tackle her backlog, to write her own story, to live as she should have been. And for the first time, Pepper felt like she was ready.

But she had learned that Astral was a slippery thing. Only ever showing up at the most inconvenient times. Usually to chide her in a way for the direction her life had taken up until that point. To observe her lack of purpose, her lack of motivation, her lack of drive.

Well, that was about to end now. Pepper had determined, finally, that she would pursue that drive and motivation. That she would find a way to lift the fog, whether Astral liked it or not, and Pepper was adamant about telling that to his face. Even as she peered around the painted door jamb of the now empty house, her eyes were open. Dark spheres with white pupils.

She looked like a monster when her eyes were open, but she was fine with it. Astral was the only one who had ever seen here this way really. And, as he had previously mentioned, he was not afraid of her in the slightest. In fact, he welcomed her to be a monster. There was a place for a monster to settled into the Realm. To be woven into it.

Pepper wanted that. But not for the reasons she had originally thought. If she was going to seize her own destiny, then she wanted to do it without the meaningless distractions and the ancient forces and the travel and magic and anomalies. If she was going to seize her destiny, then she was going to choke it and tear it apart in the same breath.

And her first step to this was going to be through Astral.

“I know you’re here,” Pepper called into the house.

The wind blew once more, activating the wind chimes that hung along the porch banisters. There was no response. Just the wails of misty memories as dark threads rolled across the floor, a reminder that Pepper had come in here, and had torn these foxes apart for no other reason than because she wanted this space and they would not give it up to her. This was not how she was going to live her life.

She was going to start anew. And Astral was the ticket to doing so. If only that stubborn thorn would show his face. It was almost as if he knew that Pepper would immediately try to strangle him and tear her pages out of his book. He was a wily one after all. Quick as a whip. And most certainly not the fighting type.

His job didn’t usually call for fighting.

“Looking lively, dearie,” Astral said finally, the wind announcing his manifestation.

As usual, his book was present and it was glowing as more and more pages appeared within the binding. Many many Scarfoxes were being born and starting their journeys just as uneasily as Pepper had. If only he could be in two places at once.

“Feeling a lot more active lately it looks like,” he added with a wide smile. “This is excellent news! I thought it was going to take you much much longer but it seems you have found a motivation to keep going.”

Pepper took an accusatory step closer to Astral, curling her hands into large fists. She wasn’t yet ready to come to blows, but she was close. This was the Pepper that had surfaced over the year. A directionless and disastrous creature that twitched too easily and was far more likely to go in violently than not.

Astral was tickled by Pepper’s feverish fury. A rocky start but nothing a little rethreading couldn’t fix. Nothing was out of place and this excited him. He was practically bursting at the seams, even as his book grew thicker and thicker with potential.

“You seem upset.”

Pepper growled. “I’m going to take my pages away from you.”

“That is impossible, dearie,” Astral replied. He spoke as if the very idea was absurd. Like only a child would ever think of such a plan.

“Do you honestly believe that, Pepper?” Astral replied, still jovial despite Pepper’s winding up.

It was difficult. It was so hard when a Scarfox came out so wrong that they could not settle on a direction until such a length had passed. He’d seen it before, certainly, and would likely see it again. Many iterations of stories that would be erased and repeated. All a part of the job. But it still hurt to see something so off.

He did this because the Mother had made him for this purpose. He was so full of purpose and Pepper was not. In moments like this, when the Scarfoxes grew violent, or sad, or unconsolable, he realized just how easy his direction had been. It was why he couldn’t bring himself to pass judgment upon another.

Even when threatened.

“Why don’t we talk instead?” Astral asked.

“I’m done talking!” Pepper cried. “I’m taking my destiny away from you because I don’t need any of that nonsense. It doesn’t mean anything at all!”

Astral balked, though he did try to keep his head up. “You are wrong. Pepper, please, just trust me. I would never lead you astray.”

“Oh, really?” Pepper barked. “Never? Like when you let me wander in the woods? When you wouldn’t explain anything to me? When you let a creature from another world approach me?”

Astral frowned. “I have to let things happen, Pepper. That’s how it works.”

“Or when you told me there is room for a Scarfox like me and then you let me figure it out on my own. I hurt people!”

Astral sighed. “And you liked it. It’s in your pages.”

“Well, I don’t!” Pepper screamed. “I don’t like it!”

“Then change.”

“I’m trying!”

Astral considered leaving for now. Perhaps letting Pepper cool off on her own would be the better course of action. Clearly, she was not thinking straight. She had gotten the wrong idea about what exactly Astral did for a living.

And it was difficult to explain. How could he put into words that his purpose was to just be there and observe? He felt almost like a babysitter in a way. Sent off to watch over all the children and make sure they were still doing things and becoming someone. Even if that someone was a heartless monster.

He wasn’t sent off to judge others. Just chronicle their stories. And keep the records. Even his physical body was something of an enigma.

But he didn’t leave. Pepper was at the end of her rope and there was likely only one option left for her if she wasn’t given anything to work with. Astral sighed, and Pepper hurled a vase at him in response. This didn’t surprise him, but he was still lost in his own wonderings. It seemed that time stopped for no one. Not even him.

He side-stepped the projectile and it shattered into a hundred pieces.

“Pepper, I’m not here to cause you any more grief,” he said, his hand held over where he imagined his heart would be if he had one.

He meant it, but he realized how it sounded. Especially because he was immediately going to turn around and break her heart. It was all a part of giving her that final opportunity to become the being she truly wanted to be. It wasn’t something he offered readily, but if he didn’t then Pepper would just become loose threads.

And the All Mother wanted to avoid that.

“I hear you,” Astral continued, side-stepping another vase.

By now, Pepper’s ramblings had become nearly unintelligible. Her eyes were black spheres with a tiny white pupil and she looked savage. Her seams were pulling apart and loose threads began to collect at her feet. The cute eggs that normally nestled in her hair had long since fallen out and had rolled away into the corner. She looked threadbare almost.

“Pepper!” Astral cried. “Please! Listen to me. I don’t want you to undo yourself. You can change. I’m going to help you.”

“No! Leave me alone, Astral!”

Astral did not. In fact, he dropped his book onto the floor, where dozens and dozens of pages flew from the binding, coating the room in the papers until the sun was blotted out and it was complete darkness. Astral’s radiance was the only source of light and Pepper grew fearful. The same fear she had felt when first encountering Astral’s voice in the forest.

It was not comforting in the slightest. In fact, it made Pepper want to flee even more.

“I cannot do that,” Astral replied. His voice echoed off the walls and pages continued to spill out, swirling around him. “I need you to calm down. For just a moment.”

Pepper pocked up. As she looked at the pages, it seemed as though many many eyes were looking at her. The warm embrace of a mother’s arms enveloped her even though she did not - no, could not - move. The fear of whatever this entity was outweighed her desire to lash out. There was nothing else to accompany the feeling.

The overwhelming feeling of safety lounged across her shoulders as the swirling died down and the pages adhered to the walls and windows fell to the floor. For a long time, there was only the sound of the papers falling and settling. Falling and settling.

Falling and settling.

Astral, similarly, also had not moved, but only because it took a lot of willpower for him to not do so. He had to wait until Pepper was okay enough for him to approach her, especially because he had just asked the All Mother to soothe her child. This was the messiest part of it all.

Well, that wasn’t explicitly true.

That would be soon to come.

“How did you do that?” Pepper asked, shaken.

Though her eyes were still full of hatred, her voice quivered. She was in awe. Though Astral did not like what he saw in those eyes. They were eyes that lusted for what he was perceived to have. That was not what this was about.

But, he reminded himself, this was not his place to pass judgment. It was all a part of the process.

“I only asked the All Mother to guide you,” he replied, voice neutral. “Is that okay? Did she reach out to you?”

Pepper reluctantly pulled her legs closer as she shrank into her Mini form, utterly overwhelmed by the sheer extent of the All Mother’s presence. She had never heard of her before. A concept so utterly foreign to her, that her immediate response was to reject it. Though she still felt so small compared to that warm embrace.

“Yes, I guess,” Pepper whispered. “I felt it.”

“She doesn’t do this very often.” Astral was still so soft sounding despite his efforts to remain neutral. He was well aware how much of a rocky start a Scarfox could have. “I asked her to do this for you. To give you the space to find that reprieve from your experiences. To start anew. She doesn’t like to let others wipe away those experiences. It’s counterintuitive to why she made you in the first place.”

Pepper was silent.

“Do you understand, dearie?”

Pepper nodded. “So what now? Will you let me leave?”

Astral sighed. “Well, I can, yes. But, you are the one who wants to change, isn’t that right?”

Pepper, despite herself, began to cry. “More than anything. I don’t want to be hated like this. I don’t want to hurt others.”

Astral knew that was a lie. He could feel her subdued desire to slap him. If she could get her teeth into him, he would have been torn asunder under her unadulterated rage. He, however, suppressed his instinctual urge to calm those fires. Even as he offered this true fresh start, Astral knew that - fundamentally - Pepper would not change.

She would still be a monster. Her manifestation would be different. Maybe she would even find creative ways to release this anger and hate. Maybe she would even learn to live with it and find happiness despite it. But it would always be there. It was a part of her core.

A core emotion of the person she had been before.

“I want to offer you something that I very rarely actually provide when asked,” Astral started. “But first, I want to have some tea with you. Is that okay?”

Pepper huffed, trying to trap her raging emotions behind a mask of sorrow. It would be better if she was just sad. If she was just lost in the fog forever. She hated what she had become and she wanted it gone. Maybe that would make her feel better.

“Fine, Astral,” Pepper said. “I will have tea with you.”

“Excellent!”

Astral took to tidying up the wrecked home. Even though the place was littered with pages, Astral seemed to move over them like an ethereal specter, finding the kettle and teacups, organizing the place settings and saucers, and piling a plate high with all manner of otherworldly looking pastries.

It was dead silent as he brewed the tea, infused the water with leaves, steeped and shared. He placed a teacup in front of Pepper, who looked at it with a slightly quirked brow. After her near-religious experience, it felt strange to be doing something so normal by comparison, though she did put two lumps of sugar and a little splash of milk in out of courtesy.

When Astral had settled, he took the tiny cup and sipped. It was refreshing.

“You want a fresh start, isn’t that right, dearie?”

Pepper nodded, though she did not touch her tea just yet. This felt out of place. Why was she here? To sip tea? To talk to Astral? No! She had come here to seize her own destiny. To take control of her fate and tear up the pages. But she hadn’t even made a move to do so. They were still scattered all over the floor.

And they seemed so heavy when she looked at them. Filled with so much history. She hated it.

“I...yes. That is what I want.”

“It is no easy task to just erase everything and start anew, you realize this? It’s so much more complex than just tearing out the pages and forgetting it all happened.”

“What is your point, Astral?” Pepper snarled. “Whatever you are about to say. Yes, I want to change this. I want to leave it all behind.”

Astral held up a hand and Pepper immediately silenced herself. “It is not that easy. The full extent of it all is so much more than you could possibly imagine. If you choose this path. If you choose to start a new, to undo all the things you have done so far. You will lose everything.

“Your memories, your connections, your progress. Nobody will remember you. Nobody will care for you. Nobody will be a part of your life unless you just happen to cross paths again. And in my experience, that rarely happens.”

“I want that!” Pepper replied. “I want to be different.”

“No!” Astral barked, slamming his hands on the table. The teapot and teacups rattled. “You will lose everything! Everything you can possibly think of and everything that you possibly can’t! Pepper, are you listening to me? Everything! Even the small gestures.”

“I’m fine with that.”

“Even those who did not approach you.”

“That is fine.”

“Even those who remember you fondly.”

“That too.”

Astral sighed. His attempts to dissuade Pepper from losing all of her progress and all of her sense of self was waning. It was difficult. This truly was the messiest part. He absolutely loathed this part of the process. Her desperation to turn back the clock was clouding her judgment. But Astral could still see that she was hurting. That she had gone about this all wrong.

He could understand that the pain of doing it all wrong could weigh heavily on the soul. He truly did care for every Scarfox that he had to keep track of. The ones who had had it easy, the ones who had it hard, the ones who had not yet been born.

It was his responsibility to care for them all.

And when one was so stunted, so hurt, so misguided, that a true refresh was all they could truly ask for, then who was he to deny them? Even if he knew that nothing lasted forever. And he would not be able to do this a second time. The All Mother only ever gave a Scarfox one true refresh. After that, there was no more thread left for them. They would be undone forever.

He finished his tea.

“If you are okay with starting over,” Astral said, “then I will do this for you. And when we meet again, you will still be you. Just not this version of you. You cannot do this again. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Truly?”

Pepper frowned. “Yes!”

“Then I will do this.”

Astral held his hand out, a silent request for her hand. Pepper obliged without hesitation. She would finally be free of all of this. Of the pressure of existence, of the stress of learning and becoming this creature that she despised. She wanted out of all of this.

Astral placed his book on the table and flipped the pages until he found the beginning of Pepper’s story. It had started in a forest.

“I don’t know where you will end up.”

“That’s okay,” Pepper replied.

Astral pulled the threads apart. Pepper was gone in an instant, returned to the All Mother. Refastened into a new self.

Just like that.