WATER PLAY 2022

It’s hard to put into words the hanging cloud of dread that looms over Clover when he is here. The last time he was visiting the Hidden Garden during the summer, he had found himself in an unending nightmare. A world where nothing made sense, where the dreams of the mad sea god had become the reality of his existence, and - perhaps this was more of that waning lucidity - he had learned knowledge that had threatened to undo him. It was a relentless slog through a repeat of the same actions.

Where shadows would come from the depths of the unknown and twist and twirl into unknowable shapes. Shapes that had been Scarfox like, but still so incredibly not a fox. So incredibly evil in a way. Incomprehensible. Guided by hands that came from the sky. Made them immobile. Made them things and not people.

“Are you just going to stare off into space all day?”

Clover is broken from his mental wanderings, the chest tightening feeling leaving him for now. He doesn’t have organs to squeeze. He is not a human soul trapped in a doll. He is a living thing again. Jonathan, this stupid and handsome fox, is laying across a huge floatation device, his wings wide and dipped into the sparkling clear water of the Hidden Garden’s pools. There’s drink in hand, sunglasses, and swimming trunks.

Jonathan peers over the sunglasses at him and blinks a few times. Clover has come to understand this as Jonathan trying to get a read on him, but Clover is quick to turn his head away.

“I am just not a fan of this place.”

Jonathan pushes his sunglasses up and hums. “You can’t lie to me, Clover. I figured out your weakness.”

“This isn’t one of your animes, Jonathan.”

“No, I mean your weakness for being acknowledged.”

Clover snorts but doesn’t respond because Jonathan is right and doesn’t even understand how right he is. He can hear how much of a joke it is in the way Jonathan laughs and kicks his feet to spin in lazy circles in the cool water.

“You should come in,” Jonathan adds. “The water is nice and cool.”

“I don’t want to get wet.”

Jonathan laughs. “You do, just not in that way.”

Clover snorts again, and this time he is exasperated. Jonathan is clearly from a different time. He talks about things that don’t sound real and makes grand gestures and over exaggerated statements. But Clover knows that Jonathan was definitely human once. Maybe not that much older than him. Maybe the same age.

And, just like everyone else around him, there is no understanding of that.

“What do you want from me?”

Jonathan continues to spin lazily in the water. Sometimes, he flaps his wings and the water thrown up into the air sprinkles down like a fine drizzle, still cool. Clover fears that black thread will ensnare him and he will drown again. He fears that Jonathan will drown with him.

He doesn’t want this, of course. Or maybe he does. If they drowned together, Jonathan would surely understand him better. Understand why he does not want to go into the water. He can’t swim. He can’t breathe underwater.

That had been the whole point before.

“I’d like for you to join me,” Jonathan replies. “I have an extra floatie in my bag.”

“I’ll drown,” Clover replies without thinking.

This prompts Jonathan to sit up and look at him again. There’s no real change in the way he moves, but Clover can see that the heroic version of Jonathan that annoys the crap out of him has been activated. He can see it in the way he puffs his chest out and flares his wings to remove the excess water.

“Don’t come over here if all you’re going to do is force me to swim,” Clover says.

He’s protecting himself. He’s withdrawing and he feels that in his soul. He wants Jonathan to ignore him like he ignores Pepper. He wants to be pulled out of this fortress he’s made for himself. He wants to be forced into doing something he doesn’t want to do. It’s familiar in a way. But the result would not be starvation anyway. Sickness and disease.

It would be something else.

Jonathan awkwardly leaps off his floatie, flapping his wings and crossing the short distance to the bank, where Clover is seated with a cup of iced tea. It’s been sweating for who knows how long, and Clover has not touched it even though he knows it’s good.

“Well now I am over here,” Jonathan says. There’s no threat behind it, but Clover wishes there was. He talks to Pepper like that all the time.

Threatens her with a good time that she would never appreciate. Clover would appreciate it even though Jonathan is stupid as all hell. Head full of nonsense. Why does he like this so much?

“And I have no idea what you want from me,” Jonathan continues. Clover offers no guidance. “I can just pick you up and throw you in. You’ll fight me on it, and I don’t really want to sew up any holes. I could dump water on you. I could do a lot of things to you. You might even like it if you’re into, like, being told what to do.”

What in the world is he talking about? Clover’s mind immediately goes to all the bad things he had to do to survive. All the things he did and still failed to make happen.

“So I am going to try this really new technique,” Jonathan says. His chest is still puffed out and Clover can feel the ridiculousness seeping in. “I learned it from the masters. When I was in the mountains, fighting wild beasts and earning my new powerful trump card. Overwhelming Fire Fist. Wings of Flame.”

Is this going somewhere?

“It’s called “Asking A Question.”

“How novel,” Clover says. He does finally sip his tea. The image of tangled limbs fades for now. He doesn’t have to survive here. “Go on, then.”

Jonathan plops down next to him. Clover moves only slightly to give him room on the checkered blanket they share.

“Did something happen to you before?”

“What do you mean?” Clover knows what he means but Jonathan has to say it. Jonathan will always need to say it, at least for the foreseeable future.

“You know,” Jonathan replies. “You stare off into space, you jump at the slightest movement. You are afraid to drown despite not needing to breathe if you don’t want to. Did something happen to you? Or, I guess I should ask. What did happen to you?”

Clover takes a deep breath. He does need to breathe. It makes him feel alive in an otherwise unliving vessel. He is human. He is so painfully human.

“It all started the day I was born.” He quirks a smile and Jonathan’s serious look devolves into one of mild annoyance.

“Yeah being born kind of does that to you. Was that all?”

“Maybe we can talk about that later.”

Jonathan blinks a few more times. His eyes are pretty and Clover likes to see them. Blue in a sea of red and white. But his wanderings aren’t allowed for long. There is a huge splash of water from elsewhere in the garden and a wave of water threatens to sweep them away. Clover freezes, freefalling internally and accepting his fate, but Jonathan moves his wings to cover Clover.

There is still a lot of water, though most of it batters against the back of Johnathan’s wings and surges around their feet. Clover’s iced tea is undisturbed, still sweating in the heat.

“Yeah,” Jonathan says. “Maybe we can talk about it later. But if we talk about it now, maybe you and I can both get a little of what we want.”

“And what do you want?” Clover asks.

“I don’t really know yet.”

“Very insightful.”