With You [2022]

As the spring season was in full swing, it became abundantly clear that Pepper was not going to be heading back to Wind Valley or the Hidden Garden this year. Jonathan had attempted to appeal to her sensibilities - though this was just an attempt to flirt again - and Pepper had rebuked him without a second thought. She hadn’t given much explanation, her silence carving into Jonathan’s body until he ultimately gave up.

He’d always known that she was a difficult fox to work with, but this seemed more pointed than other times he’d been given the cold shoulder. Pepper had disappeared on the day they were set to leave for the Valley, and try as he might, Jonathan had been unable to find her.

“Looks like she’s gone,” Clover said, appearing behind Jonathan with a bag at the ready.

“She wouldn’t even say why she didn’t want to go,” came the reply. Jonathan shuffled his wings in irritation. “I thought we’d worked through this.”

Clover sighed. “She doesn’t owe you anything.”

“I know!” Jonathan shot a filthy look at Clover, who responded with an equally loathful look of his own. “I just thought she’d say something. Even if it was mean.”

Clover eased away. “Well, I’ll go with you since you can’t seem to be alone for longer than a few minutes without freaking out.”

Jonathan opened his mouth to reply but Clover was already out the door, his long grey tail twitching. Their trip was already off to a great start, and the actual ride out to the Wind Valley was not much better. They’d managed to get a carriage out that had no other passengers. According to the driver, most foxes arrived a day or so early to get the best picnic spots. After all, this was the time when others would show their appreciation for each other.

Mothers if one could believe it, though the driver fell suspiciously quiet when Jonathan asked how they could be mothers when they didn’t have blood to be bonded by. Clover said nothing, hoping that maybe something would have slipped.

Perhaps that hadn’t been accounted for just yet.

Wind Valley was a refreshing break from the Hidden Garden, though it was still all too familiar. He’d been here the year before to stroll through the bamboo forests with others, but hadn’t made much of a lasting impression on anyone at that time. It was a fairly early memory for whatever that counted for in this realm, but it was not the Hidden Garden and for that, he was thankful.

Wind Valley did live up to its name. The mountains that surrounded the bamboo forests and short pagodas were old rounded peaks that felt more like super-sized hills than true mountains. The lush green vegetation that blanketed the landscape was misleading in how tall the land was, and the resulting wind was intense, sweeping down from above and filtering pink blossoms from their blackened trunks.

It had rained recently, though the ground was dry. Clover stepped out of the carriage and immediately all the ruffles on his body flapped eagerly in the wind. It was bright and sunny out, and he was greeted by a hostess fox, who direct him and Jonathan to the opening of the valley.

Jonathan wasn’t quite as tickled as his wings caught the gusts and he was nearly lifted from the ground. He instinctively flapped, but his awkward positioning led him to skip a few steps and fold his wings back down.

Clover, pointedly, did not laugh at him, though he did want to a little. Served him right for being so obtuse and full of himself. The hostess walked them to the path entrance and bade them farewell. It was important to be a good host, and Clover nodded in thanks and approval.

“So what’s the plan?” Jonathan asked. “Is this about that conversation we had before?”

Clover hummed. “If you want it to be. But if you aren’t careful, you won’t be able to handle it.”

Jonathan puffed his chest out indignantly. “What’s that supposed to mean? I can handle myself just fine.”

Clover barely smiled, though the corners of his mouth twitched. He’d been with a dozen and a half men and women who thought exactly like Jonathan. That they couldn’t be tempted to part with their funds. People who couldn’t fathom what would eventually bring them to him. So confident in themselves, but ultimately lonely and desperate for attention from whenever they could get it.

Jonathan squinted at him, but didn’t bother making more of a stink. He’d get to Clover later, but since the two of them were traveling together, they might as well have done something together. Today’s activity was going to be simple. A picnic near the bamboo forest that was in the trough of the valley.

Clover laid out the blanket and put down the basket and pulled out the sandwiches and seed bread. He patted the space across from him, his ruffles still moving in a rhythmic fashion as the wind blew. Jonathan sat down and took a sandwich.

“The floor is yours now,” Clover said. He poured himself a glass of sweet iced tea as he said this. He also, somewhat reluctantly poured a glass for Jonathan. Suddenly he was nervous.

Jonathan took the tea, but didn’t quite sip it. He’d been thinking about this since Clover had left him. Contrary to what Clover had assumed, Jonathan hadn’t forgotten him as soon as Pepper had descended the stairs. He remembered distinctly, the feeling of Clover’s hand on his face, the lingering stare, the hesitation.

Jonathan had never experienced that before, but he’d seen it in his animes.

It was nothing short of a desperate desire to be seen and acknowledged. And, to be quite honest, Jonathan didn’t know what to do about that. Clover had read him for filth, and the allure of being able to be that hero to another was deep-rooted. So deep that it couldn’t be pulled from the threads of his soul. It was one of the his greatest desires, grown from a seed he could not recall in this form.

And likely would never be able to.

Jonathan took a deep breath. “Fine, I’ll bite.”

Clover’s ears twitched.

“What happened to you?”

Clover blinked a few times.

“You linger so long. You always look like you are three seconds away from crying.” Jonathan felt himself getting braver. “And you invited me to fix you. You said that to me. To give it a shot.”

These were all true statements. Except for the crying one. Clover was, indeed, always emotionally close to crying, but he didn’t think he looked the part. In all honesty, he thought he looked like a drowned Victorian child more than anything else. Or like an antique. He’d let it slide for now.

“I remember,” Clover replied.

“So what’s wrong with you?” Jonathan asked more intensely. “Do you want friends? Family? Something else?”

Clover took a deep breath. Perhaps this was a mistake to invite Jonathan like this. He’d open that line of communication and now it was far too late to close it again. It would have been in a moment of weakness in the presence of a fox he found incredibly attractive that he let his normally tight ship slip a little.

He wanted Jonathan to want him. He wanted Jonathan to take him and wanted to have their threads intertwined. He wanted to drown in those feathers. To suffocate on the flames and fill with smoke. All things Jonathan could do if he put his mind to it.

“That’s how this game is played, you know,” Clover said. “I invited you to fix me, but I can’t tell you what that entails. You have to figure it out.”

Jonathan was halfway through chewing a sandwich. That didn’t make much sense. How was he supposed to figure that out if Clover wouldn’t just tell him?

“I see.”

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Clover said. He sipped his tea in silence. “So much for your heroic antics.”

Jonathan puffed his chest out again and put his half-eaten sandwich down, moving with the next strong gust of wind to half loom over Clover. His eyes were open, and staring directly into Clover’s. He could figure it out if he was close enough. He could read between the lines if the lines were close enough to his eyes.

Clover gripped his glass, and did not move. It was hard to be scrutinized. It reminded him of the looks of disgust he experienced despite being perfectly serviceable, despite being used directly after being dismissed. Jonathan was not studying him with that disgust, but Clover feared what Jonathan would see in him.

What he would betray of himself.

“You are weird,” Jonathan said. “You want me to see you and you won’t show me anything.”

“Nobody wants what I have to show,” Clover replied before he could stop himself.

“Is it shameful?”

“Depends on your perspective.”

Jonathan didn’t move away, but Clover did open his eyes. One was covered by the floral eyepatch, and the other was a striking blue with a stunning white orb in the center. Jonathan saw clouds pass over the sky and the zenith of the sun. The corners were dark, tumultuous, and filled with the loss of something unremembered.

A brighter ball of blue than his own, which were partially alight with flame.

“I don’t see your shame,” Jonathan said.

Look harder, Clover thought. It’s there. Peel it away.

Jonathan was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what he had expected to see, but Clover was quick to avert his singular eye as soon as Jonathan had moved back.

“I guess I’ll have to try again,” Jonathan reasoned. He picked up his sandwich again and finished it. “But we’re off to a good start. This is just how the arc is going to start. Quite the conundrum.”

Clover wanted to call him an idiot for giving up so readily, but he figured that letting Jonathan do his thing would eventually do something. What that thing was, he had no idea.

The wind blew.